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Seven Ingredients of a Happy and Long Lasting Relationship

Daily connection

Sometimes I have to remind myself to pay attention when I ask my partner: ‘How was your day’.  Don’t just ask, listen to the answer, otherwise what is the point, it becomes an empty excercise.  It’s important that you gain a ‘map’ of the goings on in your partner’s life.   Spending 20 mins a day will help to sustain the connection you have as a couple.  When people become like two ships passing in the night, this can only lead to a downward spiral of relationship misery.

Building fondness and admiration

Why did you fall in love with your partner?  Maybe it’s the same reasons you love them today or maybe its morphed into other reasons.  Having a daily conversation with your partner helps to build fondness and sustain feelings of kindness.  Being aware of your partner’s struggles and successes make for a strong bond.

According to the science five times more positive exchanges than negative ones, makes for a happy person and thus a happy couple.   Too many negative exchanges above the 5:1 ratio can lead to resentment and stonewalling.  The trick is to maintain positivity even when it seems like there are five negative things to every one good.  Remember gratitude and  humility will take you a long way in any relationship.

Turning toward your partner

When a relationship becomes flooded with negativity and resentment begins to fester people tend to turn away from their partners, feeling that the problem at hand is best tackled alone.  This can lead to miss communication, isolation and sadness.  Turning towards your partner; showing affection, support good humor and compassion can move a situation along from conflict to cooperation.

Maintaining a positive perspective

There is no end to the benefits of taking a positive approach to life.  The same goes with relationships.  Paying particular attention to the positive areas of your life with your partner and communicating this is not only cathartic for you but will also help your partner to feel less anxious more secure.  Pessimist on the other hand tend to take problems and resulting arguments personally and often overlook their partners efforts to repair the relationship.

Managing problems

Managing problems when they arise in their entirety is important.  Happy couples regularly express positive feelings towards each other (again touching on the 5:1 ration of good things to bad), fix what they can and make peace with the rest.  Studies have shown that 70% of problems amongst couples are not solved to everyone’s total satisfaction.

Being able to reach a compromise when appropriate and while simultaneously communicating acceptance of your partner along with expecting a degree of improvement, works to strengthen and build upon strong foundations in a relationship.

Supporting hopes and dreams

Having hopes and dreams is fundamental to a happy individual and supporting these in your partner can lead to a happy relationship.  Couples that help each other to realise their dreams and aspirations often reach higher goals and experience a higher level of satisfaction than those without continuous support. Having hopes and dreams gives your life purpose, a major component of happiness. Not supporting your partners dreams or even opposing them can be detrimental and result in a bitter, lack luster and unfulfilling relationship

Making a relationship meaningful

Sharing a spiritual connection and a deep understanding can repair the cracks that can develop in relationship gained just from the wear and tear of the problems that occur in everyday life.  Recognising that you and your partner are better equipped to face life together than you are alone is to ensure a stronger and longer lasting relationship.   

 

1 Comment
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